I guess I'll start this post with a little bit about my SC experience throughout the years. I started playing SC:BW while in high school and started playing on the no rush 20 maps and slowly moved on to the "real maps" as my friend group used to call them. Once I got more into "real maps" I started playing on iCCup and eventually was able to make C- with a 24-8 record as Protoss. This is where my struggles came into play. I always had bad ladder anxiety and was (and still kind of am) anxious when it comes to laddering. I never tried to make the push to C or C+ because I was scared my record would look bad.
When SC2 came out, I was determined to hit masters. I did this once in 2011 with Terran but after I did, my drive to improve and play dropped and I slowly stopped playing as much or as seriously. I haven't been to masters league since.
Back in 2015, I came back and my goal was to hit diamond. I did this fairly easily and then the ladder anxiety got to me and I stopped.
I'm really hoping this time is different and I can overcome my ladder anxiety. So far, I've been able to continue playing since hitting diamond, but I can feel the anxiety starting. Currently, I'm hoping to make the push back to masters, but I know this will be a big commitment and a mental struggle overcoming the anxiety. I've been playing every race since my return and am not fully committed to any 1 race. I don't plan on playing Terran because I don't enjoy TvT much, but i'm currently Plat 1 with T. My Protoss is also Plat 1, but I find I'm just not as good with Toss, but PvP is one of the better mirror matches. My Zerg rank is currently D3 and I have been enjoying ZvZ (so far). Currently I plan on making the push with Zerg because I feel like my game sense will be better than my mechanics for quite awhile, but this could change.
I'll give you a little bit of information about myself. I'm 33, have been married for 11 years and have an 8 year old boy and 5 year old girl. I'm a Registered Nurse in my province of BC and work in a Psychiatric Unit. I love my job and my co-workers, but it can be exhausting for me doing 12 hour shifts and taking care of 2 kids and keeping up with the chores that come with owning a home. I feel like I'm a big introvert and interacting with people takes a lot of energy from me and it takes awhile for me to recharge after a shift.
In my late teens and early twenties I (thought) I suffered from depression. My wife and I have been together since grade 12 and she stuck with me through everything. I am truly grateful for her love and support. I went to University in my late 20s because I was unsure of what I wanted to do in life. When I was in University, I started to suffer from anxiety. I started seeing a counsellor who has helped me tremendously with understanding myself. The first time I was in her office she had a saying written on her white board. They saying was, "Between Stimulus And Response There Is A Space. In that Space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom," by Viktor Frankl. You may have noticed that I capitalized the whole first sentence. The reason for my ID is that first sentence. It has helped me tremendously as a person, but especially in my ability to stay calm and parent my kids in a way that I feel suits who I want to be. I still say this to myself fairly regularly and it helps me think about why I'm feeling the way I am.
After University I was lucky enough to be able to get a full time position at the psychiatric centre I currently work at and had worked for 1.5 years. During this time, I was struggling with my emotions and feelings. Counselling was helping, but it seemed like nothing I was doing was able to keep my mood steady enough and I would "crash" and not be able to function well at work or at home. I wasn't the person I wanted to be.
In March of 2020 (just before covid started), just after one of my bigger mood crashes, I decided I needed to take time off work and figure out what I needed to do to become the person I wanted to be. I'm currently still off work, talking to a psychiatrist that says I have alexithymia, and going to counselling regularly. This time off has been incredibly helpful, but I still feel like I have a lot of work to do.
As you can tell, I'm fairly open about my life and am trying to not be ashamed or embarrassed about who I am; instead, I'm trying to improve who I am and use my past as a learning experience.
Anyway, I've been streaming more and more SC2 while also playing Call of Duty Warzone with my RL friends and my son.
I plan to stream my journey to masters and would love to have all of you along for the ride.
Feel free to come ask me questions about SC, my life, to cheer me on, or just hang out and enjoy the stream. I'd love to have you visit.
My stream ID is https://www.twitch.tv/bsartias/
If you want to check out some random downhill mountain biking I've done, my Youtube is you https://www.youtube.com/user/Flartz