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This happened a few months ago, as US people would realize from my present tense reference to a movie that came out a while ago. I started writing it and forgot about it, but in my return to teamliquid I feel it is necessary to provide a few stories for everyone to hopefully laugh at. I'll post another in a few days, the next one will be gooooood.
If you are a past reader of teamliquid.net, you probably know that I used to write stupid stories every so often of things that happened in my life. Usually they were somewhat funny things involving college students doing stupid college things. I just learned something though -- the older you are, the dumber you get.
So my mom decides to go out to the movies tonight with a few of her idiot friends to see the devil wears prada, some terrible movie about who really gives a shit. Before it, she thinks having a small dinner party with the 4 of them would be a great idea. So for the past 3-4 hours shes been slaving away in the kitchen making the most random food ive ever seen. Shes making egg rolls, a pizza, guacamole sauce with these god awful chips, and french fries.
so anyway, im starving cause I havent eaten since this morning, so im poking into the kitchen every few minutes to see if anything is ready for me to pick on while she continually fights me out of there. Now my mom is actually a really good cook, so im highly anticipating this food, even though its more random than a picasso painting.
So her friends finally show up, she puts food on the table, and refuses to let me eat anything until they come to the table. So they come in and I start shoving my face before these tubs of goo can inhale everything and force me to eat. anyway, these einsteins decide to make margaritas before they drive to the movies.
I'll start off by saying that these ladies have a lower alcohol tolerance than the anorexic freshman girl in college whos never drank before who inevitably gets her stomach pumped the first week. I really dont think any amount of drinking before driving any distance is a good idea for them, plus the fact that they would probably all pass out in the theater (if they managed to make it there alive).
Now, about them actually making the margaritas....ive seen more organized monkey shit fights in the zoo. They were standing around the blender in a circle jerk type fashion shouting at each other what goes in it. Theyre randomly pouring in all sorts of shit, none of which ive ever heard being used in a margarita.
So my blender doesnt really have a top. We lost it some time ago, so whenever i make a protein shake i take a few paper towels, sufficiently cover the top, then turn it on, and anything that would have normally flown out of the blender ends up trapped inside. Well these geniuses forget to even look for a top and just turn the blender on and fragments of whatever the hell they put in there start flying all over the room. I got hit by a stray blackberry, i have no idea why that was in there to begin with but it was. It was sort of like watching helen keller try out driving for the first time.
so finally, after the big mess they created was cleaned up it was time for the ladies to enjoy their concoction. it was poured into the salt rimmed glasses (a pretty standard thing for a margarita), and then each lady started drinking. one of my mom's less sharp friends asked why there was sugar on her glass. it took all of my self control to not call her an idiot.
Eager to impress me with her coolness and bartender skills my mom offers me a margarita. I begrudgingly accept it and hope for the worst. It was actually pretty tasty. "Ryan, did you like it?" my mom said with hope filled eyes. "IS THERE EVEN ANY ALCOHOL IN HERE?????" After drinking it down i start looking around the table and these idiots had forgotten the tequila, the main ingredient in a margarita. For those of you who dont drink margaritas, its basically the equivalent of going to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and then eating 2 naked pieces of bread smacked together. There was triple sec and other unnecessary margarita ingredients but no tequila. Of course the ladies found this hilarious and quickly made another 2 batches of it WITH the tequila.
So i ignore them for a little while and go back to eating the food. After each of them had a few more drinks it seemed like they were all sufficiently buzzed. they were randomly coming and talking to me and going back to talking about stupid adult girl shit like tampons, vaginas and shoes. anyway, one of the ladies, in a happier state than she should be wanders over and starts making drunken banter with me.
her: "so youre just playing poker this summer? must get kind of boring with most of your friends working" me: "yeah, it sucks that they all have jobs but i love what im doing this summer" her: "well if you ever get bored you can always come over and use the pool. im always lonely when everyones left for the day"
i kind of shrug and say yeah thatd be cool. as shes leaving she grabs my ass squeezes it and winks at me. now ive never fucked one of my friends mothers...or anyone's mother for that matter, and as a 22 year old i think it would be just awesome to, and normally i'd take that up in a second, except for the fact that im pretty sure her husband is in the mafia and would kill me. in order to retain any small amount of self control i have, ill just assume it was the alcohol talking.
So after a few more minutes of babbling like idiots, they leave for the movies. I was pretty glad to see them go cause that meant I had the house to myself cause my dad is a degenerate and he was at the track betting horses. I was however surprised and not happy when they returned 20 minutes later because THEY FUCKING DIDNT LOOK UP THE RIGHT MOVIE TIME. And the best part about it was, on the way up my driveway the lady hit my metal basketball pole and dented her car. Man oh man old women are fucking stupid.
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Braavos36362 Posts
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Braavos36362 Posts
fuck her for teamliquid, bigballs, FOR TEAMLIQUID
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oh yeah you could tape it and write TL.net on your ass
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iNcontroL
USA29055 Posts
A well told story about an event not that uncommon for dumbass women Enjoyable! Better than 90% of the threads as of yet.
Thanks!
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Good read
o my god why are some women so dumb :[
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Finally another BigBalls story ! Good one as always
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Korea (South)17174 Posts
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wait a minute, how old are they ladies? i guess that doesn't matter when it's for teamliquid right? nasty though if she's pretty old.
GoGoGo Boink
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wow. wow. wow.
totaly do the milf, that would be hot.
This remind me of a story I could tell about when I worked for a landscaping company.. you run into a lot of lonely milfish housewives. Maybee il type it up later if im bored.
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They forgot the tequila for a margarita... lol
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Braavos36362 Posts
yes bill thats great but were there any milfs involved?
maybe 40 year old lab teacher who asked you to stay late to clean her beakers but instead you guys end up just mixing some fluids ehh? ehh?!?!?
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rofl, this thread was worth the read.
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Milfs rule! If you can survive the fact she is your moms friend and that little mafia thing, you should go for it! You won't regret it
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Baltimore, USA22225 Posts
Oh how I've missed these...
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Netherlands19124 Posts
Haha awsome story, now go give your Nickname here on TL some actual credit and go get some. Love your stories m8 .
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OMG DO IT. I always wanted to make love to a mom... you are soooo lucky bigballs... 너무 멋있다~ 선수.. 100%선수.
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You guys have to understand this from a freudian perspective.
All life is about is getting laid and avoiding death. In these scenario the two contradict each other. However, the way i see it, avoiding death now allows me to get laid in the future, so i will take life. Plus the fact that im back in grad school and not at home anymore lol
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hahahaha
i love the analogies
"helen keller trying out driving for the first time"
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Braavos36362 Posts
i dont think hes lying...
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i really enjoy you're writing style. your use of imagery and diction exceeds mine in all forms I envy you...
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haha nice story
I enjoyed it
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We acutally dont know yet if its a milf , maybe its just a M without the ilf, Pictures ASAP and while your on it put up one on your mom for old times sake J/K nice story!!
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On October 10 2006 11:56 EvilTeletubby wrote: Oh how I've missed these...
Haven't we all?
Hi, Killme1st.
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thedeadhaji
39473 Posts
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loved it, thanks for posting
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Bigballs LIVES!
Funny story, but Hot_Bids comments owned!
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BigBalls I think your simply scared and would never do such a thing, but pondering it over in your mind makes you feel cool and badass.
He won't have sex with his mums friends, end of discussion.
Then again...prove me wrong
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Pictures of milf required for more suggestions.
Trip report when you do (and should) hit it.
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On October 10 2006 12:04 BigBalls wrote: You guys have to understand this from a freudian perspective.
All life is about is getting laid and avoiding death. In these scenario the two contradict each other. However, the way i see it, avoiding death now allows me to get laid in the future, so i will take life. Plus the fact that im back in grad school and not at home anymore lol
No no it's not contradicting at all... You see, from a monkey's stand point, the biggest monkey will have higher chance of getting laid, however the bigger it is, it risks more chances of getting eaten or starves to death due to the lack of food. The nature forces the monkeys to be small, but the females force the monkey to be big, therefore you end up with monkeys just big enough to sustain itself at the equilibrium size. See? xD
Awesome reads as always. I liked alot of your stories. Keep writing!
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Huh? You want him to go hit a medium sized monkey?
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hahahha absolutely awesome story
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shes not that hot lol shes ok i suppose, but not worth dying over im 3 hours away from home though, so i think i blew my chance
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I think not! Older girls are the best ever. Fuck your college sluts. You should have gone for it already queer man. How silly you still had to ask here. It';s not the beauty thats so good roAR
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exactly, its not about beauty ;3
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I like your stories bigballs.
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Good thing it wasn't strafe...Shieeeet. Rob would have bent the bitch over right then and there.
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On October 10 2006 18:25 Aileon wrote: Good thing it wasn't strafe...Shieeeet. Rob would have bent the bitch over right then and there.
werd
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On October 10 2006 11:09 sundance wrote:Finally another BigBalls story ! Good one as always
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-)
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Bigballs is back. Whats a milf? Story was funny. edit. found out by etter
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try google you will find interesting things
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one question: how old are they?
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wtf your mom sounds like a 22 year old... i cant imagine any of my friend's moms doing stuff like that lol
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On October 11 2006 04:29 Ilikestarcraft wrote: Bigballs is back. Whats a milf? Story was funny. edit. found out by etter
Mother I Like to Fuck (i think)
lol bigballs, show us you have them
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[QUOTE]On October 10 2006 11:47 Hot_Bid wrote: yes bill thats great but were there any milfs involved?
maybe 40 year old lab teacher who asked you to stay late to clean her beakers but instead you guys end up just mixing some fluids ehh? ehh?!?!?[/QUOTE
AHAHHAHHHA
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guys...i fold i dont have the balls lol
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Australia3818 Posts
These women sound like they need to wear crash helmets to bed.
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haha
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Just fucking do what every teenager has dreamed about, fuck your mothers hot girlfriend.
Or not so hot girlfriend, whatever, DO HER!
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lol hot_bid~
i actually laughed at something written down here... amazing
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