So I'm a heroin/prescription drug addict, I want you guys to help me stop. I was actually sober for about two weeks, went through all the withdrawals and relapsed again a few days ago. I'm broke all the time, my few non-using friends that I have left don't trust me anymore. I don't do any good for anyone and worry the ones that love me. I'm a burden to everyone I know. I'm wasting my life away. I was gonna drop out of college but I decided to return next month after a 6 month break from school. I completely screwed up my first few years in college so I have to take GE courses again, pretty much starting over. Completely wasted my time and money.
I'm aware of all this, yet I just wanna take another hit of heroin. I'm out of dope again, and am almost out of money....again. I plan to stop but at this point I can't even trust myself. Even saying "I'm gonna quit" to myself seems like a lie so I choose not to say it at all. I deleted my dealer's number but somehow I memorized it and I can never forget that number now.
I want to be clean before I start school and stay clean.
TL, can you just give me some tips/advice/words of encouragement/lecture/criticism? You be nice and encourage me or you can cuss at me and tell me how stupid I am. Anything to remind me that drugs are bad and that I shouldn't do them.
Heroin is basically the most addictive/abusive drug you can put into your body. No one is gonna convince you to stop. You already know how bad it is for you, and that it can only bring you more pain in the future. You don't need anyone to tell you what you already know. You're gonna need help. Ask your friends, tell them you can't be trusted but that you need their help anyway. Do this while you're still level-headed so that they can help you when you start to give in to the addiction.
I can't speak from experience, or really let you know that you're gonna be okay, but just try to muster up enough will to get help. Self control at the point you're at without any assistance is going to be nearly impossible. Good luck.
Bookmark this blog post. Whenever you feel the urge to use drugs, go to your parents. Read this post aloud in front of them. Repeat ten times. Ask them if you should use the drugs. Ask yourself if you should use the drugs. Follow your heart (ie: don't do drugs).
Your body is a temple. You get one of them in this lifetime. Your future self is happier than you are now. You owe it to your future self to take care of your body.
Try taking up meditation, or if that isn't your thing get into religion, or even just start reading a religious book. You could also try fasting for about 18 hours (if you aren't already doing that to save money to buy drugs). Fasting can clean the body of so many bad things. Actually scratch the fasting idea. It might actually be dangerous for you to fast because of withdrawals or whatever, ask a doctor first.
Get some non-using friends that fill up your time, and even consider telling them your problems if you feel you can trust them. The more time you spend with them the better. The more time you spend in the "real world" with "real people" the better chances you will have of "keeping it real" and staying clean.
I quit weed cold turkey. It was easy for me, but I understand that heroin is harder to quit. However, I suggest quitting cold turkey as your best option. Perhaps you could substitute heroin for cigarettes or something to wean yourself off. Everytime you want a hit, smoke a few cigs instead. Idk a thing about withdrawals aside from having dreams about smoking weed, so I can't help you there, but at least cigs will give you a few more years to quit than heroin probably will.
Edit: Some forms of meditation can actually be helpful here. I think if you can keep yourself in the moment for as long as possible it will help you battle the addiction. Whenever you want a hit, I have two suggestions for you.
1. Instead of taking the hit, stop and go inside your mind. Do something productive: wash a dish or go for a walk. If you want a hit and you have the capability to go outside and into a public place instead, do that. Continually command your body. Make a list of things to do down to the very last detail, and run through this list instead of taking the hit. The goal here is to keep your mind occupied for enough time that the wanting disappears, which will happen if you give it time. An example list I just made up: + Show Spoiler +
I want to take a hit. Instead of taking the hit, I will go to the park and go for a walk. Right now, I will search for the necessary items I need (wallet? keys?) that allow me to go to the park. After finding necessary items, I will take one step toward the door. Then, I will take another step toward the door. Then, I will take another step toward the door. Repeat taking steps toward the door until I have reached the door. Then, I will place my hand on the doorknob. Then, I will twist the doorknob. etc until you reach the park.
Check off each item as you do them in your mind. Be as detailed as possible so your next task isn't "go to the park," instead your next task is "push the door open." By microing in this way you can successfully accomplish some other task step-by-step instead of giving in to cravings.
2. (the second suggestion) Perform the following meditation: Sit down in silence and contemplate. If you get a feeling or a thought, do not judge the feeling or thought, instead you can become more aware of yourself and the stuff around you by simply describing what is happening. So if you are daydreaming, you can say "imagining, imagining, imagining" and if you start to have a cramp in your back from sitting for so long, you say "feeling, feeling, feeling." Then if you suddenly have a craving to take a hit, you continue sitting in silent meditation and say to yourself "wanting, wanting, wanting." This guy describes it best, and is actually the reason why I made this suggestion to you:
This is all I have for you at the present time. Maybe I will be able to contribute more here in the future.
The company you keep is extremely important. You need to do your best to stay clean, disconnect with your friends that are users, and reconnect with the people that only left you because of your problem (unwillingness to rectify the problem, whatever it may be). Every time you feel the urge you just need to tell yourself you don't have to be a drug user if you don't want to be. You have probably been high for a long time, being sober will be a new high, just give it time.
Edit: Its corny and from a movie but "I hope that whoever you are, you escape this place. I hope that the worlds turns, and that things get better. But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that, even though I do not know you, and even though I may never meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you, I love you. With all my heart, I love you" Valerie, V for Vandetta
You need to find a support group man. By yourself you can't do it. Tell your friends/family that you're trying to quit, and make sure they're always on your ass about it. It's a good thing starting by telling us here, but really we're Anonymous. You need real life people to help you with real life problems. If your close friends are users look for some kind of support group. Ionno how it is in korea, but in US and most of EU they're free and anonymous.
You actually don't need convincing as you already want to - however, the addiction is what is holding you back. I would advice professional help along with help from family/friends to hold you accountable.
Thanks for the reply guys. Reading these responses already made me feel a bit better about trying to quit. To clear things up, I actually live in the US btw (just changed my location, was Korea before).
I took the 6 months break from school to get clean on my own but failed miserably. My mom found out about my drug use about 3 months into my break and wanted to send me to rehab, counseling, or some other support group but I refused, telling her I got it under control. We basically had a fight over this and I convinced my mom that I don't need help. Now I kinda regret it but I don't wanna tell her that I need help again because she thinks I'm completely clean and it's right before I start school too..
edit: My non-using friends are really supportive but they think I've been clean for the past two weeks. I don't wanna disappoint them; I've already disappointed them waaay too many times. Told them I was gonna quit, then relapsed many many times. One of my best friends asked me if I was clean today but I lied and told her I haven't used. She kept asking to make sure, definitely was doubting me but I didn't wanna disappoint her.
Listen, don't underestimate drugs, and especially heroin. Sometimes it's just not a matter of mental self control. These things can ruin your life forever. It doesn't matter if school starts. Taking even several years off doesn't mean you can never go back, you can go to college at whatever age, it doesn't matter. After all, you already said you're restarting right? Why not be 100% before you start again? If you can get the chance to go to rehab, even if you have to swallow your pride, I guarantee you you will never, ever, ever regret it. Get clean first, don't get clean on the way.
Having this weight off your shoulders after you confess will be much more relaxing on your mind than having the feeling of guilt wear you down.
Dude, what's more important; your life and happiness or your mother not knowing you need help? Trust me, it'll feel a lot easier after just telling her you're still an addict and that you need her help. The weight on your shoulders from keeping her in the dark (or trying to, you suspect she knows right?) isn't something you need when you try to kick the habit.
if it helps to talk, why dont you PM me any stories or experiences or thoughts about the drug or being a user. sorry if it sounds selfish, but id like to hear about it
i dont think you are going to do this overnight, cold turkey. your body is going to be screaming for it. why not try reducing your dosage, or sticking to a methadone plan? stay with friends, stay away from users/dealers and find something to fill the void. i just dont think throwing the needle away and going cold turkey is the best idea, seems like youll just eventually relapse later
On December 28 2011 21:22 danmooj1 wrote: Thanks for the reply guys. Reading these responses already made me feel a bit better about trying to quit. To clear things up, I actually live in the US btw (just changed my location, was Korea before).
I took the 6 months break from school to get clean on my own but failed miserably. My mom found out about my drug use about 3 months into my break and wanted to send me to rehab, counseling, or some other support group but I refused, telling her I got it under control. We basically had a fight over this and I convinced my mom that I don't need help. Now I kinda regret it but I don't wanna tell her that I need help again because she thinks I'm completely clean and it's right before I start school too..
edit: My non-using friends are really supportive but they think I've been clean for the past two weeks. I don't wanna disappoint them; I've already disappointed them waaay too many times. Told them I was gonna quit, then relapsed many many times. One of my best friends asked me if I was clean today but I lied and told her I haven't used. She kept asking to make sure, definitely was doubting me but I didn't wanna disappoint her.
You remind me of someone that keeps a facade up for everyone else that everything is fine, I heard about him in the news a couple of days ago. Let me find a picture for you:
I think his funeral started today. I'll remind you that everyone around him already knew he and his country weren't doing fine, the only thing that happened was hilarious cover up attempts and self glorification. Fight the monster within, don' t feed it.
Don't keep the ones who really love you waiting, they already know.
I always wanted to meditate but never knew where to start. Thanks hp.Shell, will definitely look into that.
About telling my mom, for personal reasons I don't think it's the best idea. She's been trying to send me to rehab for so long but I've always refused, even getting mad sometimes. That's just a small part of the reason I don't want to come clean though. My family is going through a lot of shit right now. My mom is a single parent and many people she's close to, including my grandfather, passed away recently. I don't think she can take that right now. I plan to get clean and if I really can't after this time, I'll reconsider going to rehab.
I don't think I'll get sick again because I've been using only the past 3 days since I got clean, so there should only be minimal withdrawals if I stop right now.
And for those of who want to know my story, I posted some on my blog. If you guys have any questions you can PM me but I rather not talk about it here.
None of the shit that has been posted really helps. Well I mean methadones alright but really you're getting addicted to the next step down instead of not doing drugs. Methadone is for withdrawal.
You have to stop. I know it's hard. I didn't respond to your PM because, honestly, I was already talking about drugs with a few other people and it made me really miss oxy. So I looked after myself by not responding to you. (That was rude, sorry)
You have to stop. There's no secret or book to buy. Find something new, become obsessed with it. If it's meditation then it's meditation or if it's starcraft 2 then it's starcraft 2. Find something. Become obsessed. Every time you want to use do it instead.
In a few months it will be easier to not do it without making yourself busy. I know this is kinda shitty advice//everyone is different but you have to replace h with something else. Like posting on TL or playing starcraft or get a intense job or run for 30 miles. Find something. It doesn't have to be special. Do it every time you think about using. Eventually you think about using less. It never really goes away. But it does fade.
On December 28 2011 21:52 Probe1 wrote: None of the shit that has been posted really helps. Well I mean methadones alright but really you're getting addicted to the next step down instead of not doing drugs. Methadone is for withdrawal.
You have to stop. I know it's hard. I didn't respond to your PM because, honestly, I was already talking about drugs with a few other people and it made me really miss oxy. So I looked after myself by not responding to you. (That was rude, sorry)
You have to stop. There's no secret or book to buy. Find something new, become obsessed with it. If it's meditation then it's meditation or if it's starcraft 2 then it's starcraft 2. Find something. Become obsessed. Every time you want to use do it instead.
In a few months it will be easier to not do it without making yourself busy. I know this is kinda shitty advice//everyone is different but you have to replace h with something else. Like posting on TL or playing starcraft or get a intense job or run for 30 miles. Find something. It doesn't have to be special. Do it every time you think about using. Eventually you think about using less. It never really goes away. But it does fade.
No need to apologize, I completely understand.
I wish I can get obsessed with something but it's really hard for me to enjoy anything without drugs. I've been looking for a new hobby for a while now but I can't "get into" anything. I'm actually starting to worry my brains kinda fucked up for good, like my dopamine receptors are worn out or something. I have no motivation at all and I can't really enjoy anything sober. If anyone has an interesting hobby they want to share, that would be helpful too.
Who said I enjoy things? Eventually it gets better but for a long time I just felt like shit all the time, chain smoking and having a martini every day so I had something to look forward to. Eventually .. months later.. I started to feel a little bit better and I relearned what life felt like without feeling fan-fucking-tastic every day.
It blows. But it's how everyone lives. Eventually you just get over it and find pleasure where you can.
I was worried and still am that my years of drug use had damaged my brain. Every time I make a spelling mistake or mathematical error I wonder. But it doesn't help me to worry. I just shrug it off, correct myself and move on.
There's a whole lot of that. Just moving on. Dropping things and going on. I miss a lot of people I used to use with but, as you can imagine, I can't be around them and also not do drugs. Luckily I can still listen to the same music but I do miss the people.
If you or any of your friends have a guitar lying around (a lot of people do), try picking that up as a hobby. Guitar excercise can take a lot of time, so i think it can be good to keep you busy. I'm sure it's not the same thing, but when my grandma died a few years ago and i didn't want to keep thinking about her i played for hours and hours every day, and it definitely helped in distracting me.
I really wish you the best of luck, i'm sure you will make it.
well, as someone whose brother had been addicted to meth (twice, 1 relapse, but he has been clean for 2 years now) and been in a PLETHORA of shit (he almost went to jail for life, gang-related activities), i can tell you that the ONLY way you're going to quit is if YOU want to quit.
what's a good reason to quit? well the obvious reasons are most likely the stupidest ones. what it does to your body, what other people think of you, etc etc etc. i highly doubt you actually care about those reasons. life is not always an easy ride, and many people will get into drug use during a shitty time of their life, OR when they are having an okay time but are having a hard time realizing what they actually want to do with themselves.
try to find something you enjoy doing and stick to it. be it a hobby, or whatever, for the time being it should make you not think about drugs.
It takes courage to tell the truth to those closest to you, but it's worth it. Be as honest with yourself and with them as possible. Don't strip them and yourself of the chance to help you. Honesty brings catharsis and renewed opportunities for forgiveness.
Addiction feeds on secrecy and isolation. Starve it.
Go to NA . My fiance has been clean 7 years and still goes. You should be around people that know what you're going through. A very high percentage of people do not make it clean. You are probably just going to spiral down till you die. But if there is one way to get clean it's to go to NA meetings every single day and keep going no matter what. I personally know at least 10 people that have 3+ years clean and it's a tough road. http://www.na.org/
You cannot quit heroin on your own. You need help, you need to go somewhere you can learn how to be clean, the fact you keep relapsing is clear proof you don't know how to quit. If your mom can help you to get Into rehab, jump at it. For it is very likely it's the only real chance you will have to get clean. Don't delude yourself into thinking you can just start using will power to overcome one of the most addictive substances there is. The addiction in you is just saying that so you don't have to get real help and can keep using. As you can tell no one here is an expert, if you want to quit you need help mostly from people who have quit. I hope this doesn't sound judgmental, addiction is hard, I hope you can get through
My experiences of addiction arent really that abnormal, I was a smoker for a while and I lived with some heavy stoners and got addicted to spliffs (weed + tobacco), these days I have a vaporizer and I get stoned on occasion minus tobacco, I know what addiction feels like and im not addicted to that.
For me, finally quitting was me acknowledging the likelihood of withdrawal and relapse and acknowledging that even 1 of something is back to square one, and I have to start quitting again immediately.
After weeks of fucking around with that I got so sick of the cycle that I just stopped, my previous temptations were all gone. Granted after a while there was that niggling if someone rolled a spliff or whatever but that's where you have to keep your guard up, you fell into it once, you can easily do it again after quitting.
I also found taking up things you cant do on drugs is a great way of helping you kill time, as drugs are just a way of killing time when you're bored.
Maybe take up climbing (my main 'physical activity'), play more Sc2 and maybe get a little stoned in the evenings if you find the urge to do anything more powerful than you can deal with, spend your days in university working in the library instead of at home. Just get yourself out of situations where you're with drug friends, or by yourself in your own home, peer pressure or boredom will put you in difficult territory.
i do recall a "as me anything about drugs" thread a few weeks back, there were some people who tried heroin and managed to fight their way back out. Might be helpful to PM them and get some "how did you do it" stories/strats?
Pick up a physical activity like running or working out. Not only will all the exercise keep you busy, but it will start feeding your brain with natural drugs, not to mention you will be getting in shape. Running/working out will be HARD at first, most likely, but keep at it, and push through the inital pain. Once you get decently in shape, a nice hard 5 mile run is about as good of a high as you can get naturally, and it's amazing for you.
Find a medic that can help you, a psychiatrist that is specialist at those things ll help a lot, but after all, all come to you selfcontrol and bla bla, its hard, but just you can do it.
i was alcoholic / in a similar situation to you , and TLHF helped me a LOT to gradually break out of this. now i havent drank alcohol for 15? weeks. so long that ive lost count.......... i didnt even have the urge to drink (make excuses to drink) over christmas
you need to stop because you will LOATHE yourself for years and years to come and possibly develop chronic perpetual anxiety . self-loathing means no1 will like you or be attracted to you
read the introductory threads in TLHF and stick your foot in the water. it really did work for me (even if it took me 2+ years to get to where i am now - and yes i wasted another £5000+ or whatever attempting and failing university again, like you)
if you can get on the Starting Strength gym routine before school then your life might very rapidly change for the better.
On December 28 2011 21:52 Probe1 wrote: None of the shit that has been posted really helps. Well I mean methadones alright but really you're getting addicted to the next step down instead of not doing drugs. Methadone is for withdrawal.
You have to stop. I know it's hard. I didn't respond to your PM because, honestly, I was already talking about drugs with a few other people and it made me really miss oxy. So I looked after myself by not responding to you. (That was rude, sorry)
You have to stop. There's no secret or book to buy. Find something new, become obsessed with it. If it's meditation then it's meditation or if it's starcraft 2 then it's starcraft 2. Find something. Become obsessed. Every time you want to use do it instead.
In a few months it will be easier to not do it without making yourself busy. I know this is kinda shitty advice//everyone is different but you have to replace h with something else. Like posting on TL or playing starcraft or get a intense job or run for 30 miles. Find something. It doesn't have to be special. Do it every time you think about using. Eventually you think about using less. It never really goes away. But it does fade.
No need to apologize, I completely understand.
I wish I can get obsessed with something but it's really hard for me to enjoy anything without drugs. I've been looking for a new hobby for a while now but I can't "get into" anything. I'm actually starting to worry my brains kinda fucked up for good, like my dopamine receptors are worn out or something. I have no motivation at all and I can't really enjoy anything sober. If anyone has an interesting hobby they want to share, that would be helpful too.
try to take up music, its the best that i can think of...it isnt for everyone but you never know and it might work for you...the only problem would be the motivation to learn how to play :/ which for a recovering addict is quite difficult...i had a teacher once who recovered through the guitar...instead of getting high he would play the guitar, gradually he got better and better since he was playing constantly when he would normally have gotten high...one of the greatest guitarists ive ever met...he had genuine talent that he wouldnt have learned about had he not attempted to recover through music
So I'm a heroin/prescription drug addict, I want you guys to help me stop.
There is your problem. You are kind of hoping for a solution or for someone to quit for you, but it's your life and your body that has to do it. You've listed all the stakes, it's not like you need someone to tell you why it's important.
Set your goals, make them important to you (not just becoming less of a burden to others) and create plans and contingency plans and everything you need to do to make sure your goal happens. It isn't complicated when you think of it that way, it just takes some work and genuine effort. If you get bored of it or feel it isn't important anymore, then of course you will go back to drugs. Keep that in mind and think of ways to make sure you don't get bored of it or stop thinking it is important (and make sure those are ways that you can control, not that you have to rely on).
gogo glgl. Every suggestion like "play guitar" or "find something to be passionate about" is just a form of the above. It can really be just about anything.
imo youre looking for someone to drag you into salvation (see thread title)
hence imo going to rehab centre really would be the best and quickest thing for you
youve tried to quit. you cant. YOU CANT DO IT. youve tried and you cant do it. how many fucking times are you gonna keep trying the same thing and failing when you already know you cant do it?
tell your mom that you had a relapse (if she asks then tell her you done it only once / one hit / whatever its called) and you immediately want to go into rehab before school.
just fucking do it before you lose your chance. or youll end up like me , another 2 years of torturing yourself.
if you can go into rehab without telling your mom then maybe do that. but i think your mom would feel very positive about you admitting this to her and accepting her offer finally.
and i think you know this, and you know i know it. get up right now , call her / book an appointment / get on the bus to a clinic.
Since a lot of people are giving advice without really having any real understanding of your situation, i might as well chime in myself.
My suggestion is a scare tactic. Go to the part of town (where ever that might be) where the addicts and homeless hang out, and stay there for a day. Talk to the people, hear their stories, try to search for why they ended up there. My guess is that most of the couldn't fight their addiction and/or cope with life without their stimulant. And having stayed there for a day, ask yourself "Is this really the life i want for myself? Because they way things are headed there's certainly a good chance i might."
I googled some images from my hometown (Oslo) for dramatic effect. Nobody want to end up in the streets. Every person in those pictures told themselves "Im not gonna end up there", but reality is harsh. If you actually go trough with my suggestion it might be a really profound experience. Remember to bring beer/alcohol as a peace token. + Show Spoiler +
Im sorry to hear your mother is going trough a lot of shit. I have a suggestion to cheer her up. I take it NA are the same as AA, in the way they give tokens for given periods of sustaining from use. When you get your 2 weeks from withdrawal token, mail it to her and tell that you're trying and you'll contact her when you're ready. Make it your solitary purpose in life to send her those tokens every time you get one (and if you cheat you're a heartless bastard, giving your mother such hopes). If you fall back into addiction, you bite the fucking bullet and try gettin the first token again asap. Now your mother has something to look forward to even though everything seems shitty and you've made a mechanism to abstain. If i were in that situation, i couldnt picture a better gift to send my mother.
I think you should really try to get some help. If your mom wanted to send you to rehab, just go. It's hard to say it, but I think in these situations one cannot think they're in control of their life anymore.
Other people recommended NA, I also think it's a good choice. It really helped a friend of mine in the past.
You're asking us to convince you to stop, but you seem to have already convinced yourself you must stop. What you need is help in doing it. Good luck
There are multiple steps, and goals to achieve. First, it seems that your social life is destroyed by your addiction and that you have no money anymore. So a good first step is to medicalize yourself, I don't know how it work in the US, but in France you can go to see a simple doctor and get stuff like subutex prescribed to you. (subutex is buprenorphine, which is basically morphine, it's just a pill to take each day) If you do that, that'll at least solve your money and social problems, and then you'll be able to have new perspectives and to envisage to stop using.
That kind of treatment works very well, even if you stay addict at something, at least you're doing it in a legalized, non money hungry, and less health destroying fashion, which will solves a lot of your problems, which is a good start.
Then, when you'll have a normal life, you'll be able to start the being clean goal, which can be long, but one step at a time. Being able to live without the "how/when I'll have my next dose ?" is a very important thing to do, and medical treatments are good for that.
PS : people saying he should run, or find a focus, are giving advice that could work, but that will never work with an addict. I'm pretty certain he's writing this because he can't buy heroin, so he's full of good resolutions, which will disappear with the next dose. The best action is, imo, to replace those expensive doses with a legal drug first, at least that'll take care of all the social problems (money, friends, addict behavior). Only then you'll be able to have projects, until then you're just going down and down and down until you'll have nothing left.
Im telling you right now, no matter what you say about quitting on your own, you will never be able to do it. There is a reason heroin is the most powerfully addictive drug on the market. Telling yourself that you don't need rehab is absurd. You may be able to quit for a few weeks here and there, but I guarantee you without going and getting real help to not only deal with the addiction itself, but also all the reasons that lead you to become addicted to heroin, you will NOT succeed.
Please, just take a few days and look into rehab centres. Tell your mom you have relapsed, and have her enroll you into one of those centres ASAP. You are only delaying things, and definitely not fixing them. I have an uncle on my fathers side of the family who was heavily addicted to heroin among other drugs, and I have seen that really, there is no guaranteed way to quit on your own. All it really leads to is relapsing over and over, combined with constant lies about getting clean , or being clean etc.
I mean, look at your situation right now. You are now lieing to your friends about being clean. You are teetering on the border of losing every friend you still got, because all you are doing is lieing to them. You are also lieing to your family, who is really the only support structure you have in life. Eventually everyone will be pushed away from you, and then when you really want help, and be willing to goto rehab, there wont be anyone around you to care......if your still alive then that is.
On December 29 2011 03:51 eXigent. wrote: Im telling you right now, no matter what you say about quitting on your own, you will never be able to do it. There is a reason heroin is the most powerfully addictive drug on the market. Telling yourself that you don't need rehab is absurd. You may be able to quit for a few weeks here and there, but I guarantee you without going and getting real help to not only deal with the addiction itself, but also all the reasons that lead you to become addicted to heroin, you will NOT succeed.
Please, just take a few days and look into rehab centres. Tell your mom you have relapsed, and have her enroll you into one of those centres ASAP. You are only delaying things, and definitely not fixing them. I have an uncle on my fathers side of the family who was heavily addicted to heroin among other drugs, and I have seen that really, there is no guaranteed way to quit on your own. All it really leads to is relapsing over and over, combined with constant lies about getting clean , or being clean etc.
I mean, look at your situation right now. You are now lieing to your friends about being clean. You are teetering on the border of losing every friend you still got, because all you are doing is lieing to them. You are also lieing to your family, who is really the only support structure you have in life. Eventually everyone will be pushed away from you, and then when you really want help, and be willing to goto rehab, there wont be anyone around you to care......if your still alive then that is.
PLEASE LOOK INTO GETTING PROFESSIONAL HELP!!!
This is really where it's at.
Even if it is possible to quit on your own (and it may be), you need to assume it isn't. I mean it. Don't worry about going back to school. Don't focus on anything else. You need to take some time to get this under control.
Get into rehab. If you're family can't/wont help you out, look for other options. Some states have publicly funded clinics, and there are charities that run programs on their own. Do some research or ask someone your trust to help you figure it out.
Either way, your best shot is to focus solely on this issue, to the exclusion of absolutely everything else. Treat this like a serious medical problem. You wouldn't be worried about school if you had cancer. You would stop everything and take the necessary steps to fix the problem. Nothing else matters if you die of cancer, and nothing else matters if you feed your addiction.
Edit
On December 29 2011 02:45 MrCon wrote: I'm pretty certain he's writing this because he can't buy heroin, so he's full of good resolutions, which will disappear with the next dose.
This is almost certainly true. It's important context for anyone who hasn't dealt with addicts or addiction personally.
Upon further education I think it could actually be a bad idea to quit cold turkey. I didn't know it was possible to die during withdrawal. So I suggest going to NA for some support. Ask them for advice. Apparently kratom tea can help you ween yourself off relatively safely if you don't want to go see the doctors.
It might help to lock yourself in with a really cool non-using friend of yours who is willing to spend time with you during withdrawal. Idk how long that would be. But if you have someone watching you or locking you up in a cage (like jail but at a friends' instead, I suppose) while they're out, it seems like that could help. If you want to go use you literally can't get any and have to continue with the withdrawal.
I know someone who used to go to AA and it helped them, but they stopped going and went into relapse. So I don't think there's any utopian easy button for this. You might as well start getting serious. I really think the detailed list idea can help, as long as you don't say "oh fuck it, I'm gonna go get high."
I don't think anything here will actually help you except for kratom tea, NA and rehab. But maybe the stuff that's been posted here will help you stay clean after you've successfully gone through withdrawal.
My friend's husband died in his sleep from heroine overdose. It wasn't a one time use it's a continuation of a long time spent using drugs. This was coming from two people who were also extremely poor for long stretches because of this addiction. You have to know the consequences and be aware what your life will be should you decide to continue.
On December 28 2011 21:30 pStar wrote: i can never understand why people take Heroin. its the worst drug out of them all, i'm curious to know your thought process when trying it?
i'm not trying to be a dick, just genuinely curious
thanks
Cuz people think their smarter than those who get addicted. During the first months it's fun and not that hard to quit cause you have no (severe) withdrawal but fail to realize they've create a hole in their life they need to fill and come back most of the time ;D
Or people just don't care whether they'll get addicted to cope with a fucked up situation through drug abuse.
If don't know how the health stuff in the USA works but if something like MrCon is available for you that sounds like a pretty good idea to me. Quitting the criminal aspects and the use of dirty crap your dealer sells you is a first step to stabilze. From there on you'll need something what matters enough for you to keep fighting. Don't know how good your relation to your mother is, but what Aphasie described with the withdrawal tokens sounds quite neat imo.
If you go into rehab good luck in finding one which takes longer than the withdrawal symptoms (again, no clue how stuff like this works in the USA) but if you get out immediatly after the physical withdrawal is over your chances of staying clean are pretty low I guess. Long term treatment from a psychologist should help too. (as long as you're honest to him/her, if you lie about stuff it's a waste of time/money)
Good luck with finding something worth fighting/living a clean life for, it's pretty hard
On December 28 2011 21:48 danmooj1 wrote: I always wanted to meditate but never knew where to start. Thanks hp.Shell, will definitely look into that.
About telling my mom, for personal reasons I don't think it's the best idea. She's been trying to send me to rehab for so long but I've always refused, even getting mad sometimes. That's just a small part of the reason I don't want to come clean though. My family is going through a lot of shit right now. My mom is a single parent and many people she's close to, including my grandfather, passed away recently. I don't think she can take that right now. I plan to get clean and if I really can't after this time, I'll reconsider going to rehab.
I don't think I'll get sick again because I've been using only the past 3 days since I got clean, so there should only be minimal withdrawals if I stop right now.
And for those of who want to know my story, I posted some on my blog. If you guys have any questions you can PM me but I rather not talk about it here.
Drop your fucking pride, man up, and let her help you. My uncle lived with my parents and I for 2 years. Lost his wife, kids, house, job, EVERYthing. If you don't learn humility/self-control, you're never going to get better.
You're afraid of telling your mom because you're terrified of how she might react. But dude. You're fucking addicted to heroin. How do you think she's going to feel later when you're dead and she realizes that if she had just ignored your bullshit instead of believing that you had control of something completely uncontrollable, she might still have her son? You think all the deaths around her hurt right now? How the fuck do you think she is going to feel when there's another body to add to that pile?
You're doing a good thing by admitting you have a problem but you're still lying to yourself if you think you can get through this without the support of people directly around you and instead relying on the support of people over the goddamn internet. You want to be able to get over one of the most addictive substances in the world without going through the shame and humiliation that everyone who beats that addiction HAS to go through. There's a reason why it's called a rock bottom. Quit being so fucking selfish.
Here's another way to think about it: You've tried to beat it the 'cold turkey' way and look at where that got you. You lied to your mom already, saying you could beat it on your own, and look at where that got you. How about you try the honest way this time? Are you afraid she's going to stop loving you if you're honest with her? Doesn't that sound completely absurd? She's your mom. All she wants is for her son to be healthy so she doesn't have to bury someone else too.
You know exactly what you need to do, deep down inside. Now do it.
My buddy was a heroine addict. He forced himself to get rehab; he met his wife there, and now is a straight A student in college working on a psychology degree. Get help, the rest will follow when you actually start trying in life. Good luck.
schedule it out.. if you currently take hits 6x/day.... schedule tomorrow to take 5 hits spread out throughout the day... the next couple days, take four.... the next few days take 3... the next 5 days take 2 each... the next 10 days... take one... the next month every other day... every few days, once a week, once a month, and then not at all
It's pretty obvious you don't give a shit about your addiction if you went to TL to ask for fucking help. If it's as bad as you claim in the original post, you need serious help and a bunch of morons who dropped out of college to chase their career of being a progamer from bronze league is probably the last place to actually look.
Go get some fucking help from a family member, if they're not speaking to you because you're such a fuckup, go to rehab and get the proper help you need. Don't waste your time on a forum making excuses for yourself.
On January 02 2012 07:10 accordion wrote: It's pretty obvious you don't give a shit about your addiction if you went to TL to ask for fucking help. If it's as bad as you claim in the original post, you need serious help and a bunch of morons who dropped out of college to chase their career of being a progamer from bronze league is probably the last place to actually look.
Go get some fucking help from a family member, if they're not speaking to you because you're such a fuckup, go to rehab and get the proper help you need. Don't waste your time on a forum making excuses for yourself.
Give him a break. He clearly wants to try to stop using drugs, you shouldn't criticize someone asking for help.
On January 02 2012 07:10 accordion wrote: It's pretty obvious you don't give a shit about your addiction if you went to TL to ask for fucking help. If it's as bad as you claim in the original post, you need serious help and a bunch of morons who dropped out of college to chase their career of being a progamer from bronze league is probably the last place to actually look.
Go get some fucking help from a family member, if they're not speaking to you because you're such a fuckup, go to rehab and get the proper help you need. Don't waste your time on a forum making excuses for yourself.
Give him a break. He clearly wants to try to stop using drugs, you shouldn't criticize someone asking for help.
Pretty sure the only reason he's still addicted is because people keep "giving him a break".
On January 02 2012 07:10 accordion wrote: It's pretty obvious you don't give a shit about your addiction if you went to TL to ask for fucking help. If it's as bad as you claim in the original post, you need serious help and a bunch of morons who dropped out of college to chase their career of being a progamer from bronze league is probably the last place to actually look.
Go get some fucking help from a family member, if they're not speaking to you because you're such a fuckup, go to rehab and get the proper help you need. Don't waste your time on a forum making excuses for yourself.
Give him a break. He clearly wants to try to stop using drugs, you shouldn't criticize someone asking for help.
Pretty sure the only reason he's still addicted is because people keep "giving him a break".
Accordion is 100% right, get help from your family or go to rehab and if you aren't willing to go the distance to get the help you need then you'll probably stay addicted. You have to get to that point that you're willing to go through hell to stop this shit and if you can't motivate yourself well then enjoy rock bottom. Getting help from TL is a joke, I'd know.
Methadone or suboxone. No really. I know you said you were addicted to prescription drugs, but that's where you come in. You're not gonna be able to force yourself to not be addicted to heroin, but what you CAN and HAVE to do is take your prescription drugs like your doc told you to and not sell/abuse them.
No ''new hobby'' and no ''iron will to quit'' will make you go through heroin withdrawal without getting an appetizer of what hell feels like.
Don't go back to school, you're not ready. If you're under 30, which I assume you are; get a working holiday visa to Australia, and come and live here and work and play and just totally change your life style for a couple of years. Get away from everything and even if you have move away from your mom, or whatever, you're still young enough to start-over, I don't think you've even started to know what kind of person you are yet, give yourself a chance, but to do so start totally from scratch.
Last year I got diagnosed with depression and was an every day drinker. I went 3 months sober cold turkey after finally admitting to people around me and seeing a psychologist. Friends and family had been telling me for months I was an alcoholic (they didn't know about the depression) and I denied the whole thing seems in my head I was functional and it wasn't affecting me at work (I'm an electrician). Seeing a psychologist was the number one thing for me and actually admitting I had a problem. Since then I've moved back home and am on 60mg a day of cymbalta. I've had a few drinks since (work Christmas party and new years eve) but have completely lost the urge to drink for the sake of feeling better. If your serious about it you can make it work but you need to start being honest with other people around you it will help more than you think and anyone who isn't supportive of you isn't worth being in your life. It will not be easy but the first few weeks are the hardest (I broke down multiple times but got through it, you can too). No shame in fixing up your life!
Final tip would be to replace your normal usage time with something else that is reasonably healthy. Every time I had the urge to drink I just drank a cup of tea....I drink a lot of tea!
if you're looking for a hobby, my suggestion would be climbing/bouldering. It's fun, its a great workout, you meet cool people, and it's something you can look forward to and get excited about. I started climbing @ a boldering gym near my house about 3 months ago and its been really good for me. Find a friend to climb with too. Climbing is cool because you become stronger and more gosu and gets you in touch with your body.
On January 02 2012 07:10 accordion wrote: It's pretty obvious you don't give a shit about your addiction if you went to TL to ask for fucking help. If it's as bad as you claim in the original post, you need serious help and a bunch of morons who dropped out of college to chase their career of being a progamer from bronze league is probably the last place to actually look.
Go get some fucking help from a family member, if they're not speaking to you because you're such a fuckup, go to rehab and get the proper help you need. Don't waste your time on a forum making excuses for yourself.
Give him a break. He clearly wants to try to stop using drugs, you shouldn't criticize someone asking for help.
Pretty sure the only reason he's still addicted is because people keep "giving him a break".
Accordion is 100% right, get help from your family or go to rehab and if you aren't willing to go the distance to get the help you need then you'll probably stay addicted. You have to get to that point that you're willing to go through hell to stop this shit and if you can't motivate yourself well then enjoy rock bottom. Getting help from TL is a joke, I'd know.
Accordion 100% never went through a serious drug addiction. These people with the ''true'' ways to fight it never experienced such a thing I bet. It's like someone not playing starcraft 2 telling a gold leaguer to just macro.. Even though it may be not be wrong, it's just not what he needs.
1) Friends - friends that don't do drugs of course. Hang out alot
2) Work - 7 days a week. The more physically demanding (like a car wash) the better.
3) Play computer games
Pretty much, you need to something to keep your focus off the drugs and keep yourself occupied and exhaust your daily energy. The body repairs and accustoms to it much faster than you think
I've heard stories of people watching old people coming out of CVS/Walgreens/Drug stores, etc and following them home/robbing them and taking their medications.
Do you really think some little blog on a gaming website is going to help you're addiction?
I also know a kid that O.D. from heroin a year after graduation. Good luck man but you should get some help before it gets out of control.